The panel is made up of national college football reporters Nicole Auerbach and Chris Vannini, Tennessee football beat writer David Ubben, Missouri football beat writer Peter Baugh, Louisville basketball writer Danielle Lerner and Houston editor Jenny Dial Creech, who spent 15 years covering college sports. 

There were no real rules, except for one that stated each writer was allowed to pick one non-Division I mascot. But strategy, like pants on a mascot, was optional. 

We drafted over a Zoom call and transcribed quotes as they happened for posterity. The following is a dramatic recounting of a high-stakes meeting.

FIRST ROUND

With no five-minute countdown, Vannini swiftly uses the No. 1 overall draft choice on Colorado's live buffalo, Ralphie, one of the most famous and most intimidating mascots in all of sports history. 

"I've never seen it in person before," Vannini says. "I've always wanted to. Watching Ralphie run onto that field — and the energy! — it's just fantastic."

With the second pick, Lerner reaches a bit and plucks the Stanford Tree. She grew up going to Stanford games and there was absolutely no way that the Tree would have gone so high if she hadn't felt an attachment to it. 

"They're kind of like that one crazy friend. You never know what they're going to do," she says. "They'll probably get into a fight with someone. But it's always going to be fun when they show up."

Creech goes outside the box for her first-round pick, taking a mascot that may very well have been on the table in later rounds. But she couldn't risk it. She takes Reveille (otherwise known as Miss Rev), the Texas A&M border collie.

"I'm going to go completely based on personal experience," says Creech, who resides in Houston. "The best thing about covering a bunch of college football games in this neck of the woods is when they bring Reveille into the press box at Texas A&M. That little dog brightens every third quarter ever. Totally based on his cuteness level and that you get to pet him sometimes — that's my guy."

Auerbach is relieved to see that Creech did not take the dog atop her own personal draft board: Butler Blue.

"I'm going to go with a very personal choice as well," Auerbach says. "This is a dog that I made a special trip to go and see during the college football staff summit. I did not play in our pickup basketball game in order to go visit this animal. I know his great-great uncle — the previous mascot — as well. I'm very tight with the family. They're also friends with my dog, Red. He's hung out with Blue via FaceTime. Butler people (and dogs) are my people."

With such a strong choice off the board, Baugh takes this moment to express fear: "I'm really worried right now." He offers to trade down with Ubben for some reason, even though that is expressly forbidden in a draft that has, like, no other rules.

But Ubben is ready to pick, despite initially being confused about the parameters of the draft. He had already concocted a new strategy (that he wouldn't share until later rounds). 

"I'll take Sir Big Spur and his tank," Ubben says of the University of South Carolina mascot. "He rides around the sidelines in a customized pope-mobile thing. I have a picture of it. It's incredible."

Baugh lets out a sigh of relief. Somehow, Georgia's beloved Uga has fallen all the way to him at the sixth pick. 

"I was very nervous when I got the sixth overall pick," Baugh admits. "But I'm going to go with my guy, Uga. He's a delightful fella. Sometimes with these live animal mascots, I worry about the care given to them. Uga has great care. He stays in a suite before every game. When Uga dies, he's put in the mausoleum at the end zone of Georgia's stadium.

"Uga is the full package. I met his owner. Remember when the Longhorn bucked at Uga? Well, Uga was coming out of his crate, and I said, 'Don't be scared, there are no longhorns here.' They did not find that funny." 

Recap:

1. Ralphie, University of Colorado

2. The Stanford Tree, Stanford

3. Reveille, Texas A&M

4. Butler Blue, Butler

5. Sir Big Spur, South Carolina

6. Uga, University of Georgia

SECOND ROUND

It's a snake draft, so Baugh goes again, staying in the SEC with Big Al, the plush elephant mascot of the Crimson Tide. 

"Elephants are tied for my favorite animal," Baugh says. "Elephants are the largest land mammals. And Big Al comes from a winning history.

"It's a great, great pick, in my opinion."

(Yes, Baugh is grading his own pick as a success. This is very on-brand.)

All of a sudden, Creech is joined on screen by her two-year-old son, Ben, and her newly adopted puppy, Luna. This is, obviously, the highlight of the entire draft experience. Everyone spends a few minutes waving at Ben and saying hello. He says, "Hi!" back. Everyone melts into giant puddles.

After the group regains composure, the draft resumes. It's Ubben's turn.

"There are a lot of dangerous mascots out there," he says. "You've got tigers. You've got predatory birds. You've got all kinds of jungle cats. Bevo, even. But there are two mascots who are too dangerous to even bring into a stadium, and their names are Lady and Joy, and they live in Waco, Texas. The Baylor bear mascots."

(Fun fact, per Baylor's website: Both Lady and Joy have twin brothers, who act in Hollywood.)

Auerbach picks next — with no hesitation. She snags Puddles, the plush Oregon Duck and frequent prankster. Baugh expresses confusion; he admits he did not know Puddles by name. (Rude.)

"He was high on my board," Baugh says, trying to recover. "I just didn't know his name."

Lerner jumps in: "You stole my next pick. I have a photo of myself with Puddles!"

But Creech has the next pick anyway. Inspired by the adorable little boy sitting on her lap, she chooses Shasta, the University of Houston's cougar mascot. 

"It's funny that you picked Puddles, because Puddles beat (plush) Shasta up once," Creech says. "We're going with the real Shasta, not the dressed-up Shasta at the game. The real Shasta lives at the Houston Zoo, and this guy loves her. Really cute little cougar."

Lerner becomes the first person to make her non-Division I choice. It's a strong one.

"The Delta State Fighting Okras," Lerner says.

Auerbach groans.

"I literally had their tab open right now," she says.

"It's a vegetable wearing boxing gloves," Lerner says. "But it's still way more intimidating than their official nickname, which is the Statesmen. They got a real upgrade when they went unofficially with the Fighting Okra."  

Vannini is up next, and he's been working on a separate story for The Athletic about a rather fascinating case involving Western Kentucky — which clearly inspires his next choice.

"I will take Big Red from Western Kentucky, a versatile, non-gendered mascot," Vannini says. "And, yes, I am writing about it. There is also an ongoing lawsuit with an Italian TV station that stole his likeness more than 20 years ago."

There is some discussion that follows. No one really knows what Big Red is supposed to be. Auerbach thinks maybe a spinning top?

"He's nothing," Vannini says. "I talked to the guy who made him. He initially made a bear, but he didn't want to do a bear, didn't want to do an animal. So, he made that little blob."

Says Lerner: "He looks like if the Kool-Aid man got melted down a little bit."

Ubben cracks up.

Vannini snipes back. "That is slander against Big Red."

Recap:

7. Big Al, University of Alabama

8. Lady & Joy, Baylor University

9. Puddles, University of Oregon

10. Shasta, University of Houston

11. Fighting Okra, Delta State

12. Big Red, Western Kentucky

THIRD ROUND

Vannini kicks off the third round with some deep contemplation.

"There's a lot of good picks left on the board," he says before finally picking one of the most iconic mascots in the country, the University of Texas' prized Longhorn steer.

"I'm going to take him because he is there and I just can't pass up on him. I'm going to take Bevo."

Auerbach quickly points out that with this pick, Vannini can "now fight with Peter (Baugh) since Uga and Bevo had some on-field beef (no offense, Bevo) a few years ago. Baugh goes on to give one of his (maybe true) "fun fact" stories about the bulldog growing up on a farm. 

Lerner's up and she says she needs a dog, so she makes a strong pick and grabs the University of Connecticut's Jonathan the Husky.

"Huskies are loyal, they can get a little noisy if you need them to," she explains. "I'm happy with this."

Creech, a University of Oklahoma alum, goes with a homer pick and gets some bang for her buck as she picks the duo of Boomer and Sooner. Again, Creech specifies that she wants the real horses. The costumed ones don't really cut it.

Auerbach is up and seems to be feeling some pressure. 

"This is a tough round," she says, studying her draft board. 

Auerbach takes a mascot she has a love/hate relationship with thanks to some back-and-forth with her childhood best friend, who went to Penn State. 

"I will take the Nittany Lion because it is a perfect, prototypical college mascot," she says. "It's one of the ones where you aren't supposed to know who is the Nittany Lion while they are a student — and I've always loved that."

Vannini jumps in to let everyone know that his issue with the Penn State mascot is that it is naked.

Like Creech, Ubben makes a homer pick this round, too. He takes the entire Razorback family from Arkansas. 

"You got Sue E.,Tusk, Big Red, the inflatable guy …" he says.

Apparently there are a lot of mascots in Fayetteville, which surprised the group. 

"There's a big one and then two smaller ones that are – it's unclear if they are brother and sister or if they are married, kind of like The White Stripes – and then there is a big inflatable one and then, well there's just a lot," Ubben says. "And it's unique. There is only one Razorback."

(Well, there are several apparently, but you get the point.)

Baugh is up and is straying from the SEC this time. He heads to the Big 10 and picks up Testudo — the Maryland Terrapin. 

"Not a lot of turtle mascots out there," he says.

Recap:

13. Bevo, University of Texas

14. Jonathan the Husky, UConn

15. Boomer & Sooner, University of Oklahoma

16. Nittany Lion, Penn State University

17. Razorbacks, University of Arkansas

18. Testuda, University of Maryland

FOURTH ROUND

Baugh starts Round 4 with some reminiscing. His dad is an eighth-grade history teacher and he remembers learning a lot about the Athenians and Spartans and being fascinated with them. (P.S. Peter's dad, sounds like your son was paying attention!)

"So I am going to go with Sparty," Baugh says, citing their progressive culture. "And also, they are terrifying and great warriors."

Sparty off the board means Vannini — the group's Michigan State alum — won't get to take him this round, but he does offer some insight on the pick. 

"Sparty is the perfect middle point between fun and kid-friendly and also serious," he says. "He works for families and can also be intimidating and strong."

"Yeah, Spartans are terrifying," Baugh says. 

"Yeah, I saw '300,'" Vannini says, practically rolling his eyes. 

Next up is Ubben and because he likes maple syrup, he's going with the Stephen F. Austin Lumberjack. Vannini points out that the Razorbacks can play a role in breakfast as well (think about it.) Ubben's dog, Miles, shows up and brings lots of smiles to the call.

Lerner has apparently covered an actual Lumberjack competition and tells the group about small children throwing axes somewhere in Missouri.

Auerbach is back on the clock and goes with a non-Division I pick this round. Her Zoom background changes as she declares that the Fighting Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College are joining Team Nicole. 

Creech points out that two vegetables have now been drafted and the discussion turns into which of the two veggies would win in a fight. 

"Honestly, they are both terrible if we are being real," Ubben says. (Rude.)

Auerbach points out that artichokes are spiky and that counts for something, but Lerner counters that artichokes have more surface area and the okra can weave and bob a little more. 

"But in a dry, dark room, neither would do well," Ubben says. "It is remarkably easy to game plan for both of those."

Creech strays from her region for her next pick and goes with one of the more impressive mascots she's seen in person: the St. Joe's Hawk.

"Does it have a name?" she asks. "I think it's just the Hawk. But it never stops flapping."

Lerner heads back to Cali with her next pick: the U.C. Santa Barbara Gaucho.

"He's kind of intimidating with the mustache and the eyebrows, but then also has really cool fashion sense with funky pants and boots," she says. "It's like Sonny and Cher all rolled into one."

Baugh likes this pick.

"The U.C. system has some good ones," he says as the group briefly talks about the Santa Cruz Banana Slug and the Irvine Anteater.

Vannini, with his fourth-round pick, takes the West Virginia Mountaineer.

"You cannot shave when you take the job," Vannini says. "You have to take the gun through TSA, which Nicole wrote about one time."

Recap:

19. Sparty, Michigan State

20. Lumberjack, Stephen F. Austin

21. Fighting Artichokes, Scottsdale Community College

22. The Hawk, Saint Joseph's University

23. Gaucho – U.C. Santa Barbara

24. Mountaineer, West Virginia

FIFTH ROUND

After some hand-wringing and deliberation, Vannini goes for a pick that is surprisingly still on the board: Sebastian the Ibis, the University of Miami mascot.

According to the school's website, folklore maintains that the Ibis is the last sign of wildlife to take shelter before a hurricane and the first to reappear after the storm. The plush Sebastian mascot has also had the honor of donning the infamous turnover chain in recent years, which is less important but also interesting!

"He is a renegade mascot who will not listen to NCAA rules, has been handcuffed and represents the best of 1980s Miami football," Vannini says.

Lerner is up next, and she decides to veer away from her previous vegetation-themed choices. 

"I'm going to dip into the SEC and take Mike the Tiger," she says of the national champion mascot. "I feel like my team needed a little bit of muscle. I also love that, according to the LSU website, he eats 20 pounds daily which makes me feel better about my quarantine habits."

Creech is inspired by the choice of a mascot that could, well, fight. She takes the UAB Blazers, "in the spirit of just needing something that can defeat everyone in fantasyland," she says.

"Also it's a dragon, and that's really the only reason," Creech says. "Dragons are cool."

Auerbach prefaces her next pick with a not-so-veiled threat.

"I want to personally attack one of your teams," she says. "So I feel like I need to have him on my side. As everyone knows, there was a big Twitter war between Big Red and Cosmo the BYU cougar. I will take Cosmo, and I will also buy votes to make sure that I win that war."

The group laughs. Auerbach is referring to a very, very controversial Twitter mascot championship run by her colleagues at SiriusXM earlier in the pandemic. Cosmo narrowly defeated Big Red in the final, though not without allegations of voter fraud (which prompted an investigation). One BYU message board posted instructions on how to pay for extra votes.

Auerbach appreciates that level of commitment to the cause and welcomes BYU fans to her team.

"There was an investigation, and Cosmo was cleared," she says. 

Vannini jumps in: "Didn't they do the same thing in the semifinals, too?"

Auerbach pauses.

"I will neither confirm nor deny anything," she says.

Vannini explains to the rest of the group that Cosmo had some suspicious late surges of votes in both the semifinal and championship rounds. He's discussed it with Western Kentucky athletic director Todd Stewart, who pointed out the same thing. Auerbach says, mysteriously, that she has some good sources within the BYU community.

"Again, I will neither confirm nor deny anything," Auerbach says.

Ubben is up next and decides it's time to use his non-Division I pick on the Pittsburg State (Kan.) Gorilla.

"I drove by that place all the time on the way to college," Ubben says. "I don't know why more schools don't have this mascot. One NBA team (the Phoenix Suns) tried to co-opt this mascot at one point."

Baugh opts for what he calls "conference diversity" with his second-to last pick. He dives into the Atlantic Coast Conference and picks Syracuse's Otto the Orange.

Ubben is furious. 

"I was going to pick it!" he says. "I was going for the breakfast trifecta — lumberjacks, the bacon with the Arkansas aspect and then a little bit of orange juice with Otto. But that has been ruined."

Auerbach points out the obvious horror. "He was going to kill his mascots to make breakfast." 

Thankfully, Baugh is the one who secures Otto's safety. 

In addition to conference diversity, he says Otto "looks delicious."

"He gets pretty sweet when he gets under pressure," Baugh says. "I also now have a produce element that I can use to go against Nicole and Danielle."

Recap:

25. Sebastian the Ibis, Miami

26. Mike the Tiger, LSU

27. Blaze the Dragon – UAB

28. Cosmo – BYU

29. Gorillas, Pittsburg State

30. Otto – Syracuse

SIXTH AND FINAL ROUND

The end of the draft is near and Baugh starts it off with a pick that most of the group is wholly unfamiliar with. 

"There's a school not too far from me in St. Louis called Webster University and they have maybe the ugliest and most bizarre mascot I've ever seen," Baugh says. "It's called the Gorlok, which has the paws of a speeding cheetah, the horns of fierce buffalo and the face of a dependable Saint Bernard. It's called a Gorlok because the school is located on the corner of Gore and Lockwood."

Baugh changes his Zoom background to a picture of this creature.

"It looks like Garfield after some kind of genetic testing of sorts," Ubben accurately observes.

Ubben, still upset that Otto is off the board, makes his own final decision.

"I've never seen anything that can shoot blood out of its eyes, so I am taking the TCU Horned Frog," he says.

Several voices chime in at once to comment that it is ugly and scary-looking, because … well, it is quite ugly and quite scary-looking. 

Auerbach's final pick turns out to be a tough one because she has recently (over the past few 20 minutes) discovered Dartmouth's Keggy the Keg. She kind of wants to take him, even though she originally wanted to pick a more traditional mascot.

"I'm going to stick with my gut reaction," she says. "The Big Ten has the best mascots per capita. Goldy Gopher. Great mascot."

Creech, too, torn on her final pick. Go off the wall or take a mascot everyone knows?

"My silly one can't top whatever that thing is," she says, pointing to Baugh's Gorlok, which is still his Zoom background. 

She decides to stay off the beaten path, going with another sentimental pick.

"I want to give a nod to my hometown and take the Roadrunner from UT-San Antonio," Creech says. "My dad actually went to school there when they were voting on the mascot and he is still mad that 'the Armadillos' didn't win."

Ubben and Vannini go on to discuss how incredible the "#meepmeep hashtag is. (It really is.)

Somehow, this prompts a long conversation about how Baugh thinks St. Louis is the "Paris of the Midwest." No one agrees. 

Lerner is up next and tells the group she's thrilled that her guy Keggy the Keg is still available. (Auerbach didn't know Keggy was such a hot commodity and might have taken him if she'd known it would annoy someone else.)

"He looks like the tin man, or the robot from Futurama," Lerner says. 

It's a great pick. Everyone agrees. 

Vannini is up last to wrap up the draft. He's going with his non-D-I choice.

"We head to Ubben's home state for the University of Arkansas-Monticello to take the Boll Weevils," Vannini says.

Ubben, unsurprisingly, loves the pick. It's a legitimately and objectively great choice for Mr. Irrelevant. Research ensues on the Boll Weevil, and the group finds out that the mascot's name is "Weezy the Weevil" and the school plays football in the "Cotton Boll." It's the perfect way to end our inaugural Mascot Draft.

Recap:

31. Gorlok, Webster University

32. Horned Frog, TCU

33. Goldie Gopher, Minnesota

34. Roadrunner, UTSA

35. Keggy the Keg, Dartmouth

36. Boll Weevil, Arkansas- Monticello